Advice and Support for South Africans Immigrating to New Zealand

South Africans Going To New Zealand

Author Topic: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!  (Read 6565 times)

Offline Alta van zyl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 841
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2008, 12:27:06 pm »
We met a SA couple in the week on the north shore, who left the country in 2000 after she was hi jacket and raped, on the Pietersburg highway on her way getting stock for their shop.  This just made me realise again how lucky we are to be here. 

Offline Tash

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 83
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2008, 09:39:10 pm »
Minette,

Coming back to your piece of the pie here ... I've been begging my husband to immigrate ever since we had our son (6 1/2 years ago) & again when my daughter was born (4 1/2 years ago), & he definately wasn't on the same page as me ... I had the fear of death come over me & swore like all parents out there that I would protect these little gifts from God with my all & also realized that living in SA would get me killed as well so what good would I be dead to my DH or my children or worse!

This however wasn't the whole deciding factor ... my DH has always been very loyal to his former company; SAA; for whom he worked for 19 years ... that's a lifetime & he loved it there till he came home one day & dropped the hint of NZ & we sat & talked & he was very sadned by what's happening all around him when he sees his fellow mates being chucked out the door like vrot apples & also realized that by the time he turned 51 he would be handed a package as they do there with a pat on the back saying something like thanx old mate for training these 'others' & off he'd go ... what would he be doing & where would we be going when hed turned 51???  He's 41 now & has the world as his oyster thankfully for his qualifications & he'd be worth much more anywhere but there. 

I also told him my real fears of SA & said that I don't want to sit around & wait for something to happen to us & be another police statistic or Carte Blanche story.  Also what the hell would forex be in about 10 years in SA, like Zim ... SA is slowly turning into Zim ... but that's a whole other debate!

All I can say is that your friends & other people out there must really, REALLY, sit & weigh up their options & future in SA & wake up & smell the coffee.  I feel so strongly about this I wish I could shake & slap people ... I do realize that not all people agree but do they really wanna wait for the *** to hit the fan before they wanna do something about it & what if it's too late by then, what then?   

I can go on forever but I wont ...
Dive naked, things look BIGGER under water!

SA Going to NZ Advice Forum

Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #16 on: May 02, 2008, 09:39:10 pm »

Offline Mumtaz (CapetonianInWellington)

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 458
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #17 on: May 03, 2008, 05:31:19 am »
What a great post!!! Tash and everyone else, I cant agree with you more. I have 2 boys aged almost 5 and almost 2:) My eldest came home a few months back and said to me " Mommy, are you sure the electric fencing is working, and that no one can come in and hurt us?". This threw me completely.

Both my husband and I have great jobs, worked hard for everything we have, but that means NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING to us, if we cant be safe.

Hubby is coming home today after being in NZ for 26 days!!! he didnt get a job offer, but that wont deter us!!!! We are coming to NZ and will take the RISK......I am terrified and scared and every other word in the dict......but I cant stay here. I was so terrified for these 26 days, looking over my shoulder, checking, rechecking and treble checking doors, windows etc.......Who the %^&$ wants to live like this - when I am paying so much tax!!!!!

So I understand everyones views.....my hubby and I are on the same page - I think he might be a chapter or 5 ahead of me now as he is so  :smitten: with NZ. He loves it there!!! didnt want to come home........

I guess we will be part of the NZ family sooner than we thought...........Oh - hubby has also been an All Blacks supporter - long before we ever had to dream of escaping this country we use to call "home"......



Offline Nolan

  • Administrator
  • Supreme Being
  • *****
  • Posts: 8202
  • Stanmore Bay, Auckland
    • Art by Nolan
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2008, 10:55:03 am »
Can't agree more on the issue of both partners being in agreement.

We went through a similar period where I realised the urgency required in getting out of here and Mel didn't, it caused a huge amount of stress in our relationship.

If somebody here finds themselves in the same situation, just be patient with your partner. Keep pointing out the things that are going wrong here - they will sink in eventually. Also try and convince them to spend some time "just checking out" NZ, or whichever country. Sometimes folks don't want to see the bad in SA, but can see the fun in a new country.

Also maybe try the "let's go for a year and see if we like it" tactic.

Or take a holiday to NZ to go and check things out.

It takes a while, but you can't do this without both partners really wanting to leave and knowing the reasons for leaving are not superficial

Offline sm1976

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2008, 09:29:35 pm »
Hi There, We are in a slightly different situation to most of you guys. I am an Aussie who married a South African about 5 years ago and we decided to give SA a go as my wife's family are here. I have always felt that I have never quite fitted in here, maybe it's the huge importance most South African's seem to place on status - Car, house, etc or maybe it's the lack of respect for the law???Nevertheless we have just had our 2nd little one and our views have changed quite a bit! I have been having my doubts for the last year or so and now finally convinced my wife to apply for her spouse visa. I have always loved the slower pace of NZ and I think it will be very easy for my wife to adjust. We are battling with the idea of coming on a holiday first, not for me, but for her as I want her to be 100% sure she is making the right move however the 40K or so for airfares would pay for our whole container! I would just die if we uprooted and she hated it...do you think it's worth the gamble???

P.S. awesome forum, loads of info!!

Offline hadenough

  • Certified Addict
  • ******
  • Posts: 1402
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #20 on: May 05, 2008, 09:39:26 pm »
 :clap: An Aussie going to NZ instead of the other way around :clap:
I agree with spending the money and making sure your wife wants to be in NZ.  I know a family who packed up, went to aus, came back before their container was delivered (it had arrived in aus) and 6 months later realised their first decision was the right one and up and left for Aus again.  What an expensive exercise with 3 kids, but I think it is something they needed to do, otherwise they would've always wondered if they had done the right thing.
Bottom line, you can't put a price on happiness.The hardestpart for your wife will be leaving her family I'm sure.   :gl: to you

Offline Nolan

  • Administrator
  • Supreme Being
  • *****
  • Posts: 8202
  • Stanmore Bay, Auckland
    • Art by Nolan
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #21 on: May 05, 2008, 11:20:26 pm »
Welcome to the family Sm1976 :clap:

Maybe get your OH to join too, we'll convince her  ::)  :smiley6600:  :whistle:

Seriously though - if it costs a trip to NZ to convince her, then I say do it. You can't do this without her full support.

SA Going to NZ Advice Forum

Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #21 on: May 05, 2008, 11:20:26 pm »

Offline Happy Expat

  • Veteran
  • **
  • Posts: 3881
  • NZ, now Melbourne, Australia
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #22 on: May 05, 2008, 11:24:50 pm »
This is an awsome thread, I think everybody should read it O0

Immigration is definately not for cowards. It can be extremely difficult at times, but you have to look at the bigger picture. Why did you even consider leaving SA, it must have been something that sparked of the thought to uproot your whole life? It's really not worth giving up, only to go back to crime and fear????
I've noticed how SAn's nit-pick NZ when they get here? The kiwi's are like this...they do things like that.......they don't seem to understand the importance???? .....And so it goes on?
It's ok to point out differences, but when you get angry about those things, then, that is anger what will make your new start, not so lekker.
Of course they are different to us. Thier culture and lifestyle has made them what they are. They haven't been through what us as SAn's have, you should be jealous not angry.
You have to find ways to adjust and fit in. You will never totally understand them, but at least try.........after all, it's thier country that you chose to live in ;)

Well, that's my 2 cents worth O0


Offline Tash

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 83
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #23 on: May 06, 2008, 03:26:53 am »
after all, it's thier country that you chose to live in

I couldn't have said it better!!! As I expressed earlier in this thread, no one can go to a different country & purposly stay an outsider ... that'd be daft. Take time to adjust & then, simply njoy what Kiwi land has to offer, it's SUPER!

Welcome to the family sm1976, come on your expensive holiday & make sure cause some people just don't get what it's about ... we did it butt about face ... we packed up & left b 4 even coming here to scout but I WOULDN'T go back to SA if my life depended on it.

I did heaps of research for months; my DH would come home from work & I would bombard him with all my findings & he simply sat back & let me do my thing & said ... if mamma's happy then everyone's happy!!!  He totally went by my "feel of things" so I would say,  DO YOUR RESEARCH & communicate to your spouse.
« Last Edit: May 07, 2008, 05:59:55 am by zatexnz »
Dive naked, things look BIGGER under water!

Offline Zaharra

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 11
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #24 on: May 06, 2008, 04:36:56 am »
Couldn't agree more with you Tash.  Though we do have certain family members that weren't that supportive with the whole idea, but we've only been here for a week and allready they are planning a visit when the Boks play the All Blacks  O0  Eventually people will come around!

The sad sad reality about SA is the fact that it's not IF something might happen to you.... it is WHEN.  My family, me and my OH certainly aren't willing to give up anything for SA anymore.  We have been through near death experiences on my OH's family's side. We have no patriotism anymore, and I don't wana go through life not being able to boast or brag and be proud of where I live and come from. We want to live this life as intended! 





*Ideas Are Bulletproof*

Offline dance

  • Certified Addict
  • ******
  • Posts: 1551
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #25 on: May 06, 2008, 04:50:55 am »
Yip. Being in TOTAL agreement is a must.
If this means spending a little money first then do it! You will still have difficult moments but knowing that you are both reaching for the same goal post will smooth things along.

Talk to each other often about everything not only when you are trying to convince your partner to go. Talk about your expectations and fears. It will make it easier when things get rough if you know what the other one is going through. DH and I did notreally discuss how we would  cope with him being there and me here for a while. Now all sorts of problems crop up. For a while I went through the whole " I do not want to palce more strain on him so will keep quiet" thing. This was so wrong. He picked up on my stress every time we spoke. Now that I really talk to him things are going better and he tells me about little things things that he finds different and difficult to get his head around. At least now we know that we may be in for a rough ride but our life jackets are firmly buckeld on.
When life throws you a lemon - make lemonade!

Offline sm1976

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #26 on: May 06, 2008, 05:40:11 am »
Thanks everyone! I think I'll book the tickets today! Zaharra, the whole extended family is another thing all together. Granny is already saying things to our 2 year old like "They are going to take you away from granny to that horrible place"!! That's really harsh. I think I'm going to battle to get Granny's blessing, It's dissapointing as I thought she would be happy for us???

SA Going to NZ Advice Forum

Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #26 on: May 06, 2008, 05:40:11 am »

Offline Lisa09

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 144
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #27 on: May 06, 2008, 07:21:51 am »
Zaharra, the whole extended family is another thing all together. Granny is already saying things to our 2 year old like "They are going to take you away from granny to that horrible place"!! That's really harsh. I think I'm going to battle to get Granny's blessing, It's dissapointing as I thought she would be happy for us???


I dont think granny is thinking about your happiness she is thinking about her happiness at this point in time. I have found the same with a lot of my family. They dont mean to sound unhappy for you and your family but they are sad that you will be gone and that they wont be able to see you as regularly as they do now. Give her time to get her head around it all. I am sure by the time you leave she will be ok.
In the meantime go on the holiday and enjoy. Bring back lots of pics to show granny and then take it from there. Immigrating is a big step and both you and your wife need to have the same goal in sight.
 :gl: and keep us posted

tandl

  • Guest
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #28 on: May 06, 2008, 08:11:06 am »
Yeah Im not sure WHAT they are thinking sometimes!  We still have friends that give us guilt trips about leaving.  I dont even try anymore.  It just makes me more determined to make things work when we get there!!

Offline gonz

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 163
  • a whole lotta stuff going on!
Re: WAKE UP & SMELL THE COFFEE!!!
« Reply #29 on: May 06, 2008, 10:20:36 am »
I dont quite know if im daft or what it is with me, i feel very relaxed and comfortable with the change, the only thing that is truly getting me hot under the collar is the paper work.
My folks said that im already living my life as if im in NZ already :2funny:
I dont know, i just feel ready...weird, i keep thinking that im forgetting something when everyone gets uptight.

Anyways, enough about me me me,  :gl: :gl: :gl: to everyone, i hope you all find the peace and comfort we all well deserve.