Advice and Support for South Africans Immigrating to New Zealand

South Africans Going To New Zealand

Author Topic: Schalk Burger is so tough that… (old but still great  (Read 1056 times)

Offline ZuTiMa

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Schalk Burger is so tough that… (old but still great
« on: August 08, 2008, 07:16:13 am »
 :)


When Schalk Burger does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up; he’s pushing the Earth down.
When Schalk Burger goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets Schalk Burgered.
When the Tokoloshe goes to sleep every night, he checks under his bed for Schalk Burger.
Schalk Burger counted to infinity - twice.
Schalk Burger invented every colour. Except pink. Percy Montgomery invented pink.

Schalk Burger’s hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Schalk Burger gave Mona Lisa that smile.
Schalk Burger can slam a revolving door.
Some kids p*ss their name in the snow. Schalk Burger can p*ss his name into concrete.
Schalk Burger’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; No-one fools Schalk Burger.
Schalk Burger can speak Braille.
Schalk Burger’s tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Superman owns a pair of Schalk Burger pyjamas.
Schalk Burger has the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1993 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno.
Schalk Burger sleeps with a night light. Not because Schalk Burger is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Schalk Burger .
Once a cobra bit Schalk Burger’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Schalk Burger divides by zero.
When Schalk Burger exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Schalk Burger doesn’t use pickup lines, he simply says, “Now”.
Schalk Burger sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled rugby ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalised, Schalk Burger spear-tackled the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Schalk Burger can kill two stones with one bird.
Schalk Burger once devoured a whole wheel-barrow full of clay to prove to a friend that the expression “Sh**ing bricks” wasn’t just a figure of speech.
The only time Schalk Burger was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Schalk Burger lets Chuck Norris act tough on TV. But Chuck Norris knows he’s on a short leash.
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Offline ZuTiMa

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Re: Schalk Burger is so tough that… (old but still great
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2008, 07:38:22 am »
And some "newer" ones

Schalk Burger Lost his virginity before his dad did. Schalk Burger was not born normal, he punched his way out of his mother's womb, spear tackled the doctor and shortly after grew his blond locks. Since the birth of Schalk Burger spear tackle deaths in South Africa increased with more than 500%. When Schalk Burger sleeps with a man its not because he is gay, but because he ran out of women.

Schalk Burger is so tough that he doesn’t need a watch, he decides what time it is.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris and Schalk Burger. When Chuck met Schalk, he became one of them.

When Chuck Norris goes to bed he checks his closet for Schalk burger.

If Chuck Norris' father was Afrikaans his name would have been Schalk Burger!! -   
When Schalk Burger enters the room, the queen stands up.
Al-Qaeda aren't hiding in Afghanistan from the Americans - they are hiding from Schalk Burger because they sold him a dodgy Samoosa!
Schalk Burger can MXit from a Phonebooth!
Schalk Burger once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
When Schalk Burger stands up, the sun sets.
Schalk Burger is so powerful that he can change the outcome of a game plan in the action replay!

If good looks were an olympic sport schalk would get the gold medal!!!
Schalk burger makes chuck norris looks like a nobody!
Schalk can strangle an Aussie with a cell phone!
Schalk Burger hits 18 holes-in-one with one shot. I just do not understand how he manage to split the ball in 18 exact equal pieces.
Schalk Burger does not hit birdies, he hits ostriches.
If Schalk Burger peals onions, the onions cry.
Warning at Schalk Burgers garden entrance, "No All Blacks, tresspassers will be eaten"
 


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SA Going to NZ Advice Forum

Re: Schalk Burger is so tough that… (old but still great
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2008, 07:38:22 am »

Offline vondes

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Re: Schalk Burger is so tough that… (old but still great
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2019, 02:31:53 pm »
Okay, okay, people, have those here who put large sums in the slots? I`m interested in playing as an adult. Naturally, there is a demo mode in any casino, which is considered completely free of charge. Is there such a thing in irish online gambling, can I play there with funds? The practice was practice, but the real enthusiasm will be only in the slots for money. Aren`t I right?