When to move back home?

[Snoozy]

Thought it necessary to also have a topic on the above, seeing this could also be a consideration for some...

Even with all the bad news, SA is where we grew up; SA is where our family lives (and we only have ONE life that we can choose to spend with or without them - they didn't get the choice, we were the one's to move away...); SA is a country with big needs yet possibilities, where life can have meaning and one can actually make a difference to others in ways that have an impact (in other countries it's easy to hide from the rest of the world, trying to forget what the real world is like); and I could go on (weather!!!)

It just sometimes occurs to me, that one day when I'm 75 and look back, do I really want to look back on a more lonely life, on a life where I went into hiding, on a life where I ran away from challenges that I may have been placed in on purpose... just a few thoughts

Please don't take this the wrong way - just gets some thoughts going that surely must have crossed others minds. Yes, one would sacrifice a lot - a very easy life - but the question really is whether the sacrifice is as much as the gain?

[WalJo]

I will sacrifice it all for one big reason: I believe God have sent me here to work for Him. If I was not religious this will be my reasons.... 
 
My kids don't have to live in fear. 
My kids have a future. 
My grandchildren will have a future even if they will be half SA half Kiwi of what ever.   
If my kids ever question me about taking them out of their country I know that I can say I tried my best for a better future for them (and again I explain to them that we've been sent here by God) 
To turn 75 in NZ is more likely than turning 75 in SA because of stress and obviously getting murdered. 
 
And my most recent reason for staying even if it is without family: for a farther to walk into his home and find his 16 year old daughter brutally murdered with her hands cut of with a knife (and this could not have been easy or without brutal force) and nothing stolen!!!   
 
No, I would rather stay here without family. 
 
PS this is not written in anger. Just my opinion.

[firefly]

Quote "SA is where our family lives (and we only have ONE life that we can choose to spend with or without them - they didn't get the choice, we were the one's to move away...); SA is a country with big needs yet possibilities, where life can have meaning and one can actually make a difference to others"

To live without the rest of my family was a choice I made and yes it is not an easy one, but I decided my children's future was worth more then the rest of my family. 
Yes SA is a country with big needs but I unfortunately cannot see any possibilities. Some will say I am negative, but I would rather be negative than find my children dead for nothing.  Just my $1 worth, because 5c is now worth nothing 

[Mumtaz (CapetonianInWellington)]

Snoozy - lovely post. I must say that when one is close to family it is very hard to live zillions of miles away. Its not like we can just get into the car and decide we are going to visit my parents now.

Many thoughts have crossed our minds:

1. Our kids are growing up without their grandparents, cousins, aunties and uncles.
2. When they are older, will they understand the reasons why they dont have family here.
3. Will they be happy that they grew up without family around. I know that when other kids talk about their grand parents etc, my kids do feel sad:(
4. Will we be happy with our decision in 20 / 30 years time.

BUT, having said that (after much prayer and thought) we couldnt live in a country that has so much brutal crime. Yes we DO feel very lonely here (although we have many good dear friends here and hubby and I havent been on a date in 2 years ), we know that the kids are happy and secure. We dont live in paradise here, but we do live a better safer life here.

I am sure that if SA were to make a turn around in the next decade, most would consider going back as that is where we grew up, where our roots are, where the family is and where the heart will always be. It is a CHOICE we have made to come here to try to give our kids a brighter, safer future, but from what I read, and hear from family, things in SA have become so much worse in the 2 years we have been here, that I have actually given up on things ever getting better there. I can only hope and pray that my family that is back in SA are kept safe and alive.

This is my view and everyone will definately have their own, but remember we DO have one life and we NEED to make the most of it. Dont have any regrets in life. Once the heart is content - life will be content, but do what makes YOU happy.

[NicholaM2]

I agree with Mumtaz. Do what makes you happy. The memories of SA are all too recent for me to even think of going back - plus we are happier here than we were in SA for MANY reasons. BUT I can imagine as the bad memories fade, the beautiful things about SA and all the people we love, left there, will stand out stronger. All of a sudden, the balance between pros and cons might swing the other way. I have even had a few moments of this myself (e.g. this past Christmas Day without my mom and dad).

I think you move back home when you admit you truly aren't happy here. When deep down you feel home-sick and it's not because of work, or where you live, or who your friends are. If you have kids, then I think it's more complicated, because, of course, it's their lives to think about as well.

We have Irish friends and British friends returning to the UK because they just can't settle after six, seven years in NZ. They are much happier now that they have decided to go back. But again, SA is a different ball game because the very reason we left - unsafe lives for our kids - hasn't changed.

[El]

I think the longing for home - SA - the familiar and your family will never go away.  My mom immigrated to SA when she was about 20 and longed for her home until she died.  We came here to have a family and that means we have had to give up some things.  And I guess I will keep hoping that my sisters might come over here... you never know!

[ronaldd]

when to move back.... well the question is easily answered for me.
I spent money getting the family here because we dont have the luxury like british passport holders to hop on a plane and go to england,  or hop on a plan and go to another country when it goes to ***.

I would consider going back,  when i have a NZ passport in hand.  If we go back now we just wasted our time and money.  Having a second option and some experience is worth alot more.

If we would go back might be something we would ask after then.  Maybe.  Maybe not.   Definately not right now.

[SaKiwiBoer]

  When to go back to SA?? Permenantly?? NEVER!!!
For a holiday?? Maybe...  . Just my 2c worth. Cheers SAKB.

[Mumtaz (CapetonianInWellington)]

I fully agree with you Ronald. We hav just spent too much to get to where we are right now. Not just looking at the heaps of money spent, but time, anxiety, stress and the list goes on and on. By the time one receives your NZ passport, you would have been so set in the lifestyle here and although still missing home, it would just be such a shell shock to pack up AGAIN and move.

[ronaldd]

I fully agree with you Ronald. We hav just spent too much to get to where we are right now. Not just looking at the heaps of money spent, but time, anxiety, stress and the list goes on and on. By the time one receives your NZ passport, you would have been so set in the lifestyle here and although still missing home, it would just be such a shell shock to pack up AGAIN and move.

Yes Mumtaz,   that is the added benefit.  Setting a time bound goal like 5 years achieves 2 things. 
1). Citizenship.
2). Forced to aclimatize before giving up to quickly.

[Snoozy]

Yeah, good points Ronald. There's always the possible passport to think about. We had the same opportunity in the UK previously, but decided to move on without. When it comes down to it, it will have to be part of the decision though. The Kiwi passport goes lots further than the green book.

Waljo - sad story about that girl and her hands - sounds very much like a crazy inside job that could happen anywhere in the world - I mean, sounds like she must have let the person in, even closed the dogs in the back. Who knows - anyway, do take your point.

Will always be a tough decision - but always something to consider

[addywads]

Hi guys - I have been working so hard I have been off the forum for ages so its interesting to see some new names here!

We cant go back (don't want to right now anyway!) because it took all of our money to get here and start again.  All we had was a small deposit for  a house and now all our time and energy goes on the house in renovations so that we can possibly buy and sell 2 or 3 times before we retire in 15 years.  Freedom came with a huge price and I also miss my family and friends but we have had PR for 1 yr now so its 4 more till that little magic black book and we will see where we go from there - maybe OZ?  I dont know how many of these cold winters I can bear but for now, there is no going back to SA - not when I read Foolius Malema's escapades.  Yes its tough being away from family but we push thro, cry and dry our tears and carry on and count our blessings in this beautiful country. 

[ronaldd]

- sad story about that girl and her hands -

Snoozy.  The story about the girl that is killed is horrendous.  What was the point of chopping off the hands.  I do not claim to be a criminology expert but walking through how it happened...  A rapists rapes a girl,  then after his done he . 1) tries to cover up his actions by doing a bunch of other things which could even leave more evidence around the house. 2) decides to make a few extra rand by colecting something he can sell as muti which would once again add more evidence to point 1. 3)be a serial killer of sorts.. but he only did this to one person so is that still a serial killer...4) Did this to get media attention.

I would go with point number 4.  other than point number 2) selling it for muti,  it seems to be the most likely reason for me.    Unless you do this daily as a butcher or someone who slaughters sheep,  ie a rural person,  removing a person's hands isnt something you would easily do.  If it was to remove evidence... the person just raped the girl,  DNA under her finger nails (CSI style) would be the last bit of DNA he should be worried about...It kind of rules out point number 1 as a reason.

So.. why would a person rape a girl and then want media attention.  What could possibly have gained from it other than public outrage over a horrendous rape and murder.  The chopping of the hands would probably not have had any further trauma for the victem as she would be dead by then and 50 folks get murdered every day in SA... and about the same amount get raped... so why would this one incident be such a shocker... young white girl is raped murderred and then her hands chopped off..  Who would be shocked the most from that headline?

Now you work back.  Why did the person doing this crime need to shock.  Behind that answer was the real crime.

[ronaldd]

i thought about it a bit more
not completely ruling out point 4.. if it was a muti killing... which is the other big contender for likely reasons....who would have done it

she was at home with an ear infection. Her dad had the pharmacy deliver stuff... you have all ordered stuff from the pharmacy, it takes about an hour or 2 to get to you usually.. so if her dad ordered her stuff it would be there before lunchtime.  My stuff was left at the front door because the guy from the pharmacy would just leave it there.. either there or in the post box. 

So... if the delivery guy went back to report that there was no answer at lunch time.. and her dad phoned and received no answer at lunch time... then it is likely she was already dead..
so... would that not mean that she opened the gates because she was expecting a delivery,  only to be attacked by the delivery guy?  Why didnt he just leave the stuff at the front door?  Why didnt he notice the gates were open?

[Hill]

My thoughts exactly re the delivery man.