Magusta, I can understand where you're coming from as my hubby tends to be the same (comparing his status here with peers in America for instance, and what we could buy there for our $ vs here in NZ). My hubby does tend to be a bit of a pessimist though, and I personally don't think he'll be happy in ANY country in the world. *I don't mean that you're a pessimist, though, please don't get me wrong!!
I think this puts things into perspective though. When we first moved to the United States 12 years ago, friends of ours that had preceded us gave us the following advice, and I would like to give it here.
When you move to a new country, the first year, you love it. The second year, you hate it. The third year, you sort out what you like from what you don't like and settle into a comfortable peace with what isn't perfect. But for some this can be a shorter time than a year. The lesson to be learned, is to sometimes stick it out past the "hate" period, to where you can chew the meat and spit out the bones.Another very important thing that comes out of Magusta's post, is that if there's anything that is going to test your marriage to the extreme, it's going to be immigration. Be prepared for this. Make sure you keep communications open with your spouse. Don't keep your feelings in, but also be prepared to listen to each other, and not disregard or put down the other's feelings. Talk things out.
Depression is a very serious illness. Yes it starts with little things that gets one upset. But if you let it linger, you will start concentrating on the negative stuff. Whether that is the negative of the country you're living in, or the marriage relationship, or whatever. But immigration in itself is one of the highest stress-factors in ones life. And there is a recognized "illness" called Post Immigration Stress Syndrome (*** - go figure!
). If you're starting to feel very depressed, you may need to seriously consider going to a doctor for some help. I'm not saying this lightly. I've been through this in the States. At first I didn't recognize it as depression, until my one sister told me that I needed to see a dr.
I want to caution against "country-hopping". I'm not saying that those of you who have left SA, come here, stayed for a couple of years, and left again, are all in this boat though... BUT, if your basis of moving countries is based ONLY on the "ugliness" of the country you're in, you will find that there IS NO perfect country on this earth, and your unhappiness will follow you wherever you go. Because in your next country of choice, you will again reach that cycle - Love, Hate, Spit out the bones and chew the meat. So what I'm saying is, be careful that your reason for leaving South Africa is not ONLY based on crime situation... because yes, there is crime EVERYWHERE (although to lesser degrees, and often less violent). And if you're leaving NZ after you've come here, be careful that it's not just because you're finding fault with everything around you.
Remember that the corporate ladder ends somewhere... and when you got to the top, what do you have? And where do you go? Think about your goals in life - is it only to get to the top in the corporate ladder, or to earn as much as your peers? Or do you want to enjoy your work as well as enjoy time with your family?
My husband is in IT, and his peers in the USA were often earning easily double what he was. But the business he was in, was not an IT cpy like Dell or Compaq. It was a retail organic foods store. They can't afford to pay the salaries that Dell could. But we learned to live within our means, and I so appreciated that my hubby was home every night in time for dinner, and in time to help put the kids to bed. Friends of ours who did work for Dell, lived in SO much stress that I was glad Jan didn't. So one needs to think about what you want out of life. When we moved here, we did not get a higher salary. In fact, we got the same salary in NZ$ that he was earning in US$. And stuff here costs 3-5x the price that it did in the USA, including food! Fortunately, we had put money aside in the USA, so we have not suffered, but it sure has irked us when we buy something here, knowing that the Kiwi public is being taken for a ride, just because we're the "cul-de-sac" of the world! I sure don't like paying between $10-$20 a kg for chicken, when I was used to paying only $4 (for skinless, boneless breasts!).
Right now, my hubby is in the HATE phase of the cycle. He only sees what is wrong with NZ now. And it sure makes him difficult to live with! On the other hand, I'm in the "finding and spitting out the bones" phase. I'm starting to be content, and starting to be happy here, after going through a Hate phase myself. Fortunately, I'm the more optimistic one by nature, so I usually balance out his negative comments with showing him the positive.
And when we sit and evaluate things in a realistic manner, we are thankful that we're now in NZ, and no longer in the USA.... because yes, in the USA you're constantly aware of the rat-race - to the top of the ladder... get there, get there, step on anybody to get there. But here in NZ, we've been able to take on a far more relaxed attitude. We go on little road trips more often, and are thankful that we don't have to pay to go into nature reserves. And we realise that there are things here that are better for our children than even in the USA. (and no, NZ is not PERFECT for raising your kids, in fact some people say it's even worse here, but I have SA and the USA to compare to, and I'm happier to raise my kids here).
apologies for long post... I hope I've explained myself properly. For those of you, ChristyL and the others still in SA, please know that part of what you're feeling is normal yes... but be careful that you don't let the negative you see in SA start to take over to the point at which you start taking that negativity along with you...
All the best with the rollercoaster ride! It never ends, it just gets more fun!
