HI Gert, and welcome!
This is definitely a very difficult decision for sure! And I agree with the others, that if you're not in full agreement about wanting to come over, then your relationship will definitely suffer. Immigration is a very tough move in one's life, and your girlfriend has valid worries. If you were already married, it may have been different, although it doesn't mean that you would necessarily agree either.
If you're looking for advice, I'll give mine, but you don't have to take it!
You've only known this lady for a year. And in most cases, it is advisable to have a longer time of getting to know each other properly before making a life-time commitment of marriage. So if you're REALLY sure that this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, I'd stay behind, and build on the relationship. If after another year, you're still very sure she's the lady for you, then get married. All the while, keeping in mind that even if she does marry you, it doesn't mean that she is necessarily agreeing to move countries. This is not something I would force on anybody. As others have said, you both have to WANT to go.
The other option is to leave, and continue to correspond with each other. Sometimes absence does make the heart grow stronger. And it could be a good test of your love for each other. You may then get to a point that you decide you just have to go back and marry her, or she comes to a point of realizing that she really wants to and needs to get out of SA in order to give her son a better future.
Another factor you may need to consider in making your choice, is the baby - and his dad. Is his biological dad still around and involved in his son's life? Because, should your GF decide to eventually join you in going to a new country, she would have to get consent from the biological father for removing the boy from his home country. This is VERY important to think about.
Remember that remaining behind while your other family moves here, does help with your points later on. Also, it will give you a feel for what it will be like living without your family close by. It may just help you to understand her dilemma. Us females are usually far more emotionally attached to our families than you guys. But for you to come over with your family will be a lot different than for your GF who would be leaving hers behind. And what about future children? It's hard raising kids in a foreign country without your usual family support nearby.
Just some food for thought.
All the best with your choices!
