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Author Topic: Heartless? Or in denial?  (Read 2525 times)

Offline RNienaber

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Heartless? Or in denial?
« on: November 08, 2010, 09:41:18 pm »
Is it just me, or do/did some of you feel the same?

The weekend before last we had our family farewell, and last weekend a get 'good-riddance' farewell for/by our friends. But what a tearfull affair it turned out to be. But not me. I didn't cry one tear. :(

I am just not feeling sad right now. Not even the crying of my favourite sister could get me sad!?

I must admit that I felt sad this morning when our African Grey, our baby for the last 7 years, was taken to his new home - fortunately my brother-in-law just loves birds!!
And I feel sad about the idea that we must take our little 'pavement-special', our guard-dog of the last 15 years, to the vet later in the week to be put down.

I think I might be sad when we say our final goodbuys to my parents before leaving next Tuesday... :(

Is it just me?
When will the reality of it all hit me? :o

Just wondering....

Offline magusta

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2010, 11:02:05 pm »
poor dog, he gave his life to guard yours. can't you re-home him instead?

don't worry about feeling sad right now - you'll have heaps of opportunities down the track to reminisce about the missed time spent with loved ones. it's a journey your'e on and only at the start of it too. reality sets in a few years or months later, but depends on your perception or ability to perceive, interpret, analyse and subsequent decision making processes.

even your other non-favorite siblings will be sorely missed.
 
:gl:
« Last Edit: November 08, 2010, 11:09:37 pm by magusta »

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #1 on: November 08, 2010, 11:02:05 pm »

Offline zatexnz

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2010, 02:03:00 am »
RNienaber,

Heartless is certainly not the word.  You are looking forward to a new life and an adventure.  And as we've said on many other threads before, this is a rollercoaster ride.  Some days you'll feel absolutely on top of the world, and others you'll feel in despair.  But DON'T despair!  As there is usually another high coming soon!  ;)

The fact that you called it a "good riddance" farewell, makes me think that at this point, you're feeling that they have not been supporting you in your decision to move, and that you therefore do not feel the remorse at leaving them behind, as you would if they had really been the friends they should have been in supporting you through this time. 

Believe me, it's when you've been gone for a while, that you find out which of them are ReALLY your friends - the ones that make the effort to keep in touch and reply to your emails, and send you emails without prompting.  The others will "forget you" and move on. 

Recently my daughter learned a little song... "Make new friends, but keep the old.  Some are silver and the others gold".

And some are just tin!  >:D

You'll miss your gold friends.  And you'll know who they are too.  Take heart, we've all been through this!  :hug:
lekker sweet as, y'all
~ Colleen

Offline RNienaber

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2010, 07:58:15 am »
Thanks, it's only on this forum where one can get genuine advice and sympathy!! THANKS!!! (Is there a thank-you smiley)

Magusta:
Unfortunately 'Boel' is very old and suffers from arthritis, she has difficulty in walking. I'd rather relief her of her pain now, than to leave that burden on my parent's shoulders.

Zatexnz:
As for the friends - the good ones even started a 'campaign' to try and stop us from leaving. The good-riddance, I think, is meant for our 'mooiweersvriende'
 

Recently my daughter learned a little song... "Make new friends, but keep the old.  Some are silver and the others gold".
And some are just tin!  >:D
I like, I like. This I'll keep in mind in dark times!!

My usually quiet husband mentioned that it's strangely wonderfull that we are able to rely and cry on perfect stranger' shoulders!  O0


Offline Nolan

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2010, 11:50:49 am »
couldn't have said it better than Colleen has O0

Offline Gypsymom

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2010, 01:03:00 pm »


My usually quiet husband mentioned that it's strangely wonderfull that we are able to rely and cry on perfect stranger' shoulders!  O0


I think this is what keeps a lot of us relatively sane in this roller coaster ride. ;D

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Offline SaKiwiBoer

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2010, 07:40:01 pm »
My usually quiet husband mentioned that it's strangely wonderful that we are able to rely and cry on perfect stranger' shoulders!  O0

I think this is what keeps a lot of us relatively sane in this roller coaster ride. ;D

RNienaber - This was also the bit that I liked. We also shared and cried on other "peoples" shoulders, but we also shared some of the happiest times on our journey to NZ with our "perfect strangers", that became our friends for life.  :gl:  with the last stretch.

Gypsymom - Your right, it is our new friends that kept us sane on this roller coaster ride they call immigration. But you know what ?? I wouldn't want it any other way...  ;)

Cheers, SAKB
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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2010, 07:40:01 pm »

Offline Clarikdeens

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2010, 08:12:20 pm »
Well said, Nico :clap: :clap:



Offline juby

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2010, 10:16:53 pm »
You have so many exciting adventures coming up - building new relationships, exploring unknown streets, towns and mountains, finding new favourite coffee shops/view points/beaches, new colleagues, oh man SO much to look forward to!

It's your choice to leave, so understandably others may be little upset by their "loss"  :) but just remind them that your friendship has no geographical boundaries. They don't even require face to face interaction!

And you leaving will give them a reason to visit beautiful NZ..  :)

Glad you found someone to love your African Grey, I would've asked to have him shipped to me otherwise!

Offline frodo/maya

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #9 on: November 11, 2010, 12:35:59 am »
 :1hug: RNienaber know how you feel

 :gl2: :gl2:

Offline RNienaber

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2010, 10:07:13 pm »
That's why it's so great to post a topic here - you know how I/we/all of us, feel. Been there, done that!!

But the worst is still to come.... :(
The last people we need to say goodbye to is:
My parents, who has been living (in their own flat) with us for the last 10 years, who helped us when our two girls were born, who were there when we got sick and helped with the girls, who helped, assisted, endured,...
They seemed to be there whenever we needed them. Now we are leaving them. We'll just have to bring them to NZ as soon as we have our PR - whatever it takes!

This is definitively the MOMENT that the tears will flow!!!

 :'(

Offline Gypsymom

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2010, 08:03:04 am »

This is definitively the MOMENT that the tears will flow!!!

 :'(

That is so sad. :'( :'( It must be so hard for folks leaving their families behand.  This is one of the times I am glad I have no family in SA, I am going towards them, not leaving them.  It would be lovely to have them with you, but it is a long haul.
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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2010, 08:03:04 am »

Offline zatexnz

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2010, 09:19:32 am »
 :hug:  Yes it really is HARD.  We actually didn't allow my folks to see us off at the airport.  We said goodbye to them when we visited with them, and then made as though it was any other visit.  We had one of our male single friends see us off at the airport.  It was far less traumatic than having a whole committee there. 

But I do understand that it will be that much harder for you RNienaber, with having lived with your folks for 10 yrs.
lekker sweet as, y'all
~ Colleen

Offline RNienaber

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2010, 12:41:01 pm »
Fortunately we arranged with a friend to take us to the airport. We also said, right from the start - no family or friends at the airport!
All agreed, after we explained the impact it will have on our younger girls if everyone is crying. The last goodbys must be said at home, Tuesday morning, before we leave. By the time we reach the airport, all should be forgotten, for a while, anyway.


Offline frodo/maya

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Re: Heartless? Or in denial?
« Reply #14 on: November 13, 2010, 09:37:22 pm »
I was so tired of all the fairwells and goodbuys, I said to my husband that I just wished that we were on a plane and gone! I could not stand it anymore, it is emotionally draining and the worst was that although you went to say your goodbyes to some and you were done with it, they insisted that we should come around again 2 days before we left! I mean really I said goodbuy so let it go, the last few days were reserved for the parents only but some were just so darn selfish.

 :gl2: