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Author Topic: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?  (Read 3227 times)

Offline kiwijean66

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Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« on: April 10, 2012, 12:54:39 am »
Hi everybody.  Well, I haven't been on here for a while .. very busy with studies and work while 'raising' 3 boys on my own.  But that is not why I am here today.  My sister - who is here on n work permit - has a 16 year old daughter with a very big problem.  When she was 14 she had a relationship with a 17 year old Kiwi boy who was on drugs and forced her into a sexual relationship.  She did not tell anybody because she did not know what to do - being only 14 - about him being on drugs, beating her, and threatening her and her family.  She now has a 15 month old baby girl from him and is desperate to keep herself and her baby out of his reach, but unfortunately NZ law is forcing her to allow him contact with the baby because of his 'rights' as a father.  He has also gotten a couple of other 14 year old girls pregnant and nobody is doing anything about it, even though he is now almost 19 and having sex with 13 and 14 year old children whenever and however he feels like.  Does anybody have any advice .. PLEASE?

Offline BattleShip

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2012, 01:27:20 am »
CYFS should be able to offer you advice, they are very caring and helpful.  Try a social worker through your church ?  Sounds like a heartbreaking situation, all the best.

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2012, 01:27:20 am »

Offline Letitia

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2012, 03:29:04 am »
Go to the cops.
EOI Selected: April 2011
ITA Submitted: August 2011
Resident Visa: November 2011

Offline kiwijean66

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2012, 04:51:03 am »
Thanks everybody for the advice and trying to help.  She has been to cyfs but they just say that he has the right to have contact with his child and they can only step in if and when he actually does anything to harm the child.  There is a protection order against him at the police but apparently they cannot keep him from seeing his daughter.  It seems like he has more rights as a "father" than what she has to keep herself and her baby safe, according to the "law" here.    Oh yes.... we are permanent residents since 2008 but I am not sure what I can do to help legally ????

Offline groenlemoen

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2012, 06:34:58 am »
Your sisters daughter needs to go to the police station, report it and open a case.  In fact I don't even believe she needs to go.

In NZ it is a crime to Fail to Report child abuse. And your sisters daughter, + the other kids all fall into this category.

So by doing nothing, and if you are aware of it you may yourself be commiting a crime
« Last Edit: April 10, 2012, 06:43:39 am by groenlemoen »

Offline kiwijean66

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2012, 12:51:06 am »
Hi again.
Thanks for all the advice everybody.  Yea, they have already tried making a case against this guy but are told every time that it will take a long time and will most probably not really make a differences.  Just goes to show  :tickedoff:   >:(

Offline BattleShip

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2012, 01:03:38 am »
Devils Advocate:  I don't know the entire history, and yes, the guy was intimate with under-age girls, but a) has he hurt his 15mo daughter ? b) given any reason to think that anyone's life is in danger ?  I just wonder if, since he's clearly making an effort to see his child, that maybe he isn't a dead-beat loser who isn't involv ed in his child's life ?
I'm not suggesting everyone sit around the campfire singing songs .... but, maybe there is a way to resolve this respectfully ?  If he's making an effort to his child, regardless of his life-style choices, doesn't his child at least deserve to see him too (supervized perhaps) ?
I've never had to endure anything like this, and I can imagine its really really hard for all parties involved, again, I'm just trying to give a different perspective / suggestion to the situation ....  :gl:

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2012, 01:03:38 am »

Offline kiwijean66

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2012, 01:20:49 am »
Hi Battleship ... it is all good and any advice is appreciated.  Yes, he used to beat up on her, before she got pregnant and got the courage together to leave him, while on drugs and forced her into a sexual relationship (she was 13 when they met and with a very low self esteem which he took full advantage of).  He has never been 'involved' in any of his children's lives and have never bought this little girl anything or even offered any kind of financial support.  My sister and her daughter tried communicating with him and sorting things out with him regarding visiting and such but is seems like the only reason he wants to 'be involved' is so he can have some kind of a hold on her (my niece) again.  The few times he has been over to see his daughter he did not really show any interest in her other than a quick look and a 'hi baby'.  We really do not want him to get n hold on her again due to his drug use and violent temper.

Thanks again everybody for all the advice  :-\

Offline groenlemoen

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2012, 01:46:27 am »
I cant help but ask.... where were the parents?

Offline kiwijean66

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2012, 11:09:53 pm »
Hi again.  Unfortunately she does not have a dad, and her mother - my sister - was working 12 to 14 hour shifts at Armourguard 6 (sometimes 7) days a week to support them both and get the money together for their visas etc.  She was also scared to tell anybody about what was going on because of his threats.  I think anybody who as ever been in a similar situation would understand that it it hard even for adult women to tell anybody what is going on.  Thanks again everybody  :) :'(

Offline groenlemoen

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #10 on: April 12, 2012, 09:14:52 am »
I'm so sorry to hear, was just curious about the parents. Hope you never took it the wrong way.

It must be tough on your sister and especially her daughter.

All the best and hope it works out for all of you.  :1hug:

Offline kiwijean66

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Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2012, 02:40:41 am »
Hi everybody

No worries, it's all good.  Any little advice helps.   :1hug:

SA Going to NZ Advice Forum

Re: Some urgent help or advice needed PLEASE?
« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2012, 02:40:41 am »